We have something in common. My baby died, too. In fact, two of my babies died. You and I know how hard life is when that happens. That is why I am writing this—to share with you what each of us has to feel, think, and talk about before time finally numbs the emptiness. Many of my feelings are hard to write about, but I know they are normal. I want you to know that too.
It takes a long time before these feelings are no longer a part of every day or even every hour. But life eventually regains its meaning. I hope that telling you my story will help you understand your feelings and perhaps make things easier for you.
I had twin boys, and each died at 1 week of age. When my first son died, I was numb and full of hope for the other. Then the second baby died too. I was shocked at what was happening to me and was left feeling totally empty. I wanted my babies. Every time I closed my eyes, I relived the experiences in the nursery. I could see each of them and wanted them. Nothing else in my life mattered.
I felt very alone and was not able to care about other people. I ate only because food was put in front of me, and I did not sleep well. Every minute hurt as it dragged by. I wondered if I could stand it. I wanted time to go faster so the pain would not be so bad.
- Copyright © 1978 by the American Academy of Pediatrics