PEDIATRICS Vol. 75 No. 6 June 1985, pp. A44
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LEARNING TO SLOW DOWN

At the age of 58, I find that I must redo the way I run my professional life. I find that I need my work for self-esteem; I need success in work to continue being the kind of person it pleases me to be. But I also find that the way I work can kill me.

My doctors warned me that unless I changed my ways, I would be spending more time in the hospital—if I were to be spending time anywhere.

I enjoyed working too much. Making important things happen—whether in the research lab, where I used to work, or behind a manager's desk, where I am now—has given me many great moments. I know there are a few more such moments left for me, and I don't want to miss them. It enraged me, at first, that I got sick, partly because I wanted to do good work at full speed.

Thinking about this compulsion, I realized I don't do it for the money, nor do I have ambition any longer for promotion. I have more money than I ever thought I would have, and I am totally aware that I am as high in my own corporate hierarchy as I ever will be. My bosses are tough and demanding businessmen, but they have been considerate and kind. They have urged me to get plenty of rest, to go home when I look tired and to get whatever help I need to get the job done. The bosses aren't my problem. It's something in me.